Forgive & Forget (Love in the Fleet) Read online

  “Oh, come on, Bill. Don’t ask. Don’t tell. It’s not a problem unless you’re both in the same chain of command and you’re expecting favors and shit. It goes on all the time. You think all these horny bastards are afraid of a little fraternization? Hell, this is war. If you gotta go, might as well go with a smile on your face.”

  “But what about ethics?”

  “I think I missed that class.”

  Sky had gotten over the shock of Hallie being so beautiful, and realized he better tone things down because as far as he knew Hallie was still The One. The unwritten rules strictly stated that you didn’t say anything sexual about your best buddy’s One. You could say it about your own, but not your best friend’s. It would be like talking dirty about his mother.

  Philip resumed checking his computer. Nerves danced in his stomach and his fucking neck was killing him. He reached up and rubbed it.

  “I saw a woman in the ship’s store the other day that reminded me so much of Hallie, except her hair was different. Hallie has gorgeous, long blond hair. This girl was the same size as Hallie and had the same figure, as best I could tell in uniform. I don’t know. She just carried herself the same way, but her hair was darker. I bet it was her. Why’d she dye her hair?”

  “Probably because she’s hiding from you.”

  “Then why’d she go on the TV like that? Did she think I wouldn’t see her?” No reply on the computer. Maybe if he paced some more that would hurry things up.

  “What if she had to? It’s her job.”

  “Then wouldn’t that have been the time to tell me? Before she went on? Come on, Sky. We were so close. We talked about everything.”

  “Well, apparently not everything.”

  “Why did she think she couldn’t tell me?” Philip continued to walk from bulkhead to bulkhead, anything to break the tension. “Was it all a lie? Wait. Did I mention following the rules too many times? I don’t know what to do.”

  “Well, if you don’t get your smart ass up to Public Affairs this very minute and talk to her, you’re not only a dumb ass, but a fucking moron. Sweep her off her feet. Beg for forgiveness, even if you’ve done nothing wrong. Profess your undying love. Do whatever it takes, because I got news for you, Billy Boy. There’s going to be a line forming at that door real soon, and if you don’t get at the head of it, somebody else will.”

  “I can’t do that, Sky. She lied to me.”

  “That’s bullshit. I bet she didn’t have any other way to keep you from finding out she was a sailor before we deployed. And because you’re such a paragon of integrity, with your holier-than-fucking-thou attitude, she probably thought you’d say sayonara if she told you, which is probably the truth because you are a dumb ass sometimes. Look, if she’s The One—”

  “She’s obviously not The One, you dumb shit. Aren’t you listening? She lied to me and she doesn’t love me anymore.”

  “Tell me the exact words she said. Did she say, ‘Fuck off, dude. I don’t love your ass anymore?”’

  Philip stopped pacing. He bounced his knuckles against his mouth. A glimmer of hope invaded his muddled brain that she had not, indeed, said she didn’t love him anymore—even if he’d interpreted it that way. “She said, ‘as hard as I’ve tried to figure this thing out, we just can’t be together anymore.”’

  “Shit!” Sky cried.

  “We can’t be together because…”

  “She’s enlisted, dumb ass! Look, buddy, you told me what it was like with you two. I could tell it was something special. It was written all over your dumb face. You’ve never acted this way over a woman before. And it sure as hell sounded like she felt the same way about you. If it’s the real deal, man, go talk to her. Work it out. Don’t blow it. Don’t lose this one. And, Bill?”

  “Yeah.”

  “See if she has a sister.”

  Rashid sat alone at his table on the aft mess deck, watching the news while he finished chow. He saw not only the newscast, but also the reaction to McCabe. He’d seen her around. Of course she probably didn’t know he existed—or that he watched her from afar. She was pretty and popular, even though he could tell she usually tried to downplay things. Because he’d never seen McCabe looking like this. Tonight was New York shit. This was Hollywood. She was gorgeous and the response from the crew verified his opinion. Many of these people were her friends, so mixed among the cat calls tonight were words of encouragement, such as “Yay, Hallie!’ and “You go, girl!”

  Hallie. Never knew her first name before.

  He also saw how everyone was completely entranced with the news tonight. Usually nobody watched it after dinner. What was that jerk’s name? Manuel or something. They were definitely doing something right in Public Affairs by using this babe to bring them the news. That’s right. Put a beautiful woman up there and all the guys would drop what they’re doing and watch her.

  God, men could be so stupid when a woman was thrown into the equation. Like any of them would ever have a chance with a chick like this. But he did like the idea of them watching her. And if this babe was going to be doing this every night, she might get a real following. Maybe everything would stop on the ship during the newscast. Might be a good time for a ship to be attacked. If you’re the bad guys.

  It had to be after dark, so the dhows would be less likely to be seen, even though the lookouts topside had night vision capabilities these days. But pretty much, they still relied on the OSs down in Combat to alert them of possible threats approaching the ship. Yeah, after dark was a must and since they’d be off daylight savings in the Middle East, it would be after dark. When everyone was busy. Watching the news.

  While he was making the news.

  And wouldn’t it be nice to have this chick be a part of the plan. She was almost as beautiful as Rosie, with that butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-her-mouth, sexual innocence look on her face.

  So McCabe was probably a whore too. Probably screwing the other half of the ship.

  The guys Rosie missed.

  Hallie waited for the camera’s red light to go off before she leaped from her chair. The production team had been smiling, silently cheering, and giving her thumbs up during the entire broadcast. Everybody jumped now, screaming and hugging each other once the light clicked off. “You rocked!” MC3 James Hall, the cameraman, called out as he high-fived her.

  Gina gave her a big hug and danced her around, ‘“Good night and stay safe?’ That was brilliant!”

  “It just came to me at the last minute and popped out of my mouth.”

  Commander Scott remained professional, obviously restraining from hugging her, but he was grinning from ear to ear. “That was exactly what we were looking for. I felt like I was watching the national news.”

  Lieutenant Latimer joined the celebration. “It was fantastic. You’re a natural.” Then she pointed to the tendril, ready to chastise Hallie.

  “I know, I know. I’ll take care of it, ma’am.”

  Hallie was ecstatic. She knew it had been good. What if Philip had watched it? Or worse, what if he hadn’t cared to watch it? She couldn’t worry about him. It was obviously over and the sooner she got that through her head, the better. He’d probably gotten royally pissed she’d deceived him and he wanted nothing to do with her. It cut deep, but she’d gotten what she deserved. However, this show on her resume would help ease the pain. It was time to move on.

  To the world of broadcast.

  “Come on, girl. Let’s go celebrate. I’ll buy you a mocktail on the mess decks,” Gina said. Everyone was gone but the watchstander. It had been a long day getting ready for the show.

  “No, I’ll secure. I want to check my mail before I go.” And she wanted to be alone to do it, just in case there was a message. Or in case somebody special dropped by the studio. Her mailbox held twenty-four emails from crewmembers. More popped
up as she scanned through the addresses. All from unknown names.

  Except one.

  From: [email protected]

  To: [email protected]

  Subj: What the…?

  YOU’RE IN THE NAVY???

  WHAT THE H. IS GOING ON???

  All in caps. No salutation. No signature. Just two questions. Each followed by three question marks.

  Did he not receive her letter? Is that why he hadn’t responded?

  She typed her response:

  “Explained all in ship’s mail. Did u not receive??? I am SO sorry. Can we talk? Can’t use email. H.”

  Then she sat and waited.

  Chapter 15

  Philip couldn’t wait one more second for Hallie’s reply. He grabbed his sweats and, after checking on Trixie and the valve, headed for the gym. Funny how the sea water regulator didn’t seem quite as important any more. He’d deal with it tomorrow. He had to keep moving, pump iron, do something, or he was going to take out a steel bulkhead with his bare fist.

  Betrayed. That’s how he felt. She’d lied to him. Lied all along, from the moment she’d met him. She was in the Navy? And on his ship? How could she? He had loved her. Trusted her. Given his heart to her. Professed his love for her. He’d opened up his soul to her and she’d been lying the entire time.

  As he pounded away on the treadmill, his words came back to him from the day they met. She had stood there on the beach and let him explain snipes, down in the hole, and BCGs for God’s sake. No wonder she knew how many lives were lost on the Cole. “No, I can’t meet the guys from the ship,” she’d said. “I have to study.”

  And she’d sat there and let him tell her all about the laundry line in women’s berthing. She knew about that clothesline. Probably had skivvies hanging on it right now. And Trixie. Oh, God, she probably knew her too. No wonder Hallie knew when they were getting back from sea trials. She was out on the same damn sea trials.

  Fucking crystal ball, right.

  Next he lifted weights, sweat pouring off his body, wanting to wrap the barbell around her neck. No, he’d never do that. He’d never hurt Hallie. He loved her—or he had loved her. He didn’t know anymore. All he knew was he’d trusted her and she’d betrayed him. Now he just wanted to punch the living crap out of something.

  He showered and dressed in clean coveralls before he checked his email, stalling for time. Afraid to check it. What if there was still no response? What if she cared so little for him that she didn’t reply? What if it had all been a game to her?

  Let’s see if we can snow the nerdy lieutenant.

  She probably knew the enlisted person wouldn’t get in trouble for her part in fraternization. “We just can’t be together anymore.” Did she really mean “we can’t be together” or did she mean “I don’t want to be together with you anymore?” It was hard to tell with a liar.

  He inhaled deeply, exhaled just as hard, uttered a silent prayer—for what, he wasn’t quite certain—then glanced down at his laptop.

  It was there.

  From: [email protected]

  To: [email protected]

  Re: What the…???

  With his heart pounding, he clicked on it:

  “Explained all in ship’s mail. Did u not receive??? I am SO sorry. Can we talk? Can’t use email. H.”

  The fucking ship’s mail.

  Philip tore out of his stateroom for Engineering, jumping over the knee knockers and sliding down the ladders. He knew he should have at least perused it and pulled out anything important. He never let work mail pile up, but he’d been so distracted by— There it was. He should have opened anything that was addressed to “Philip Johnston” instead of “AUXO.”

  Dumb. Ass.

  He ripped the manila envelope open to find a smaller envelope inside, with the following words written on the front: “LT Philip Johnston—Personal. Read in private.”

  She was smart at least. Emails were monitored by security. An old-fashioned, handwritten letter was probably less likely to be read by the wrong person.

  He shocked Bulldog and Trixie by telling them to leave everything until tomorrow, and then he raced back up the ladders to his stateroom. Philip certainly wasn’t going to read it in his office with the duty section hanging around. Thank God he hadn’t found it in the middle of a normal workday. Philip locked the door and stood with his back against it, breathing heavily, his heart pounding. He took a deep breath and dove in.

  Dear Philip,

  This is Hallie writing. It is very painful for me to share the truth with you this way, but here goes:

  I am a second-class petty officer in the Navy and I am stationed aboard the Blanchard. With you. Right now. Right here.

  Just like she’d seduced him on the sailboat. Right now. Right here.

  I’m an MC2 in Public Affairs on the USS Blanchard. I am so sorry for deceiving you. Words alone cannot say how sorry I am. When I first met you, I thought it would be fun to go sailing with you and then I would quietly disappear. I figured the ship was big enough that I could get away with never seeing you again. I hadn’t planned on falling in love with you.

  His heart started beating again.

  I didn’t know you’d end up being the man of my dreams and then I didn’t know what to do.

  Holy shit, it wasn’t all a lie.

  I knew I should tell you, but you would have ended it. You’d have to. It would have been too risky for you to date me. It would hurt your career, and I know how important that is to you. But I just couldn’t let you go. I was too selfish. I loved you too much.

  Philip’s heart damn near pounded right through his chest.

  I tried so many times to tell you, but I lost my nerve every time. The UCMJ says the senior member is not committing fraternization if he doesn’t know the junior member is enlisted. I kept thinking about that as I kept my secret, because I knew you’d probably stop seeing me if you knew. I thought since the Blanchard is so big, I could get away with being on the ship by keeping a low profile, but I knew I couldn’t do it through the cruise. It just wouldn’t be fair for you to bump into me. I saw you in the ship’s store this morning and I knew it was time to tell you everything.

  It had been her in the store.

  Philip leaned his head back against the door, sucked in a deep breath and exhaled just as deeply—at least he could breathe again.

  Today my boss asked me to take over Blanchard News Tonight on Monday. It’s a big break for me, and I want to do it so much, but I won’t if it will hurt you in any way. I mean, I know it will hurt when you find out I’m in the Navy and on the ship, so I’m writing and telling you everything now—in advance, so you won’t be shocked if you watch the news. But also I didn’t know if you’d mentioned my name to colleagues, etc. so if there’s any reason you don’t want me to take this assignment, please let me know by noon on Saturday and I’ll give the job to someone else. If you want to talk about any of this before Monday, please let me know. I will do anything for you. Email is not a good idea for anything detailed, however.

  I may not have told you the whole truth about myself, but I never blatantly lied to you. Even when I left, I told you the truth, that we couldn’t be together. It doesn’t mean I love you any less, though.

  I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.

  Relief flooded into every cell of Philip’s body. He was certain that his heart was going to give out with the abuse it had taken this evening, but now the adrenaline spikes were from relief.

  I’d do anything you asked, if I could just know we might be together again, maybe when I get out of the Navy next spring. I know your answer will probably be no. I deceived you and I doubt you’ll forgive me. You’re such an honorable man, which is one of the reasons I love you. And you deserve an honorable wo
man.

  If I don’t receive a response to this letter, I’ll assume you don’t care that I do the news – or you just don’t care. You not caring is only what I deserve, but at least I’ll know it’s OK for me to move on with my career and my life.

  Again, I am sorry I’ve hurt you. You are the sweetest, kindest, most loving and perfect man I have ever met and I miss you terribly.

  Love, Hallie

  She loved him.

  That was the truth. He’d known it. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do about it, but he’d needed to know that he hadn’t been wrong about her loving him.

  His hands shaking, he hit reply and typed:

  Library 2130 hours

  Then, because he was an officer and a gentleman, he grabbed a handkerchief and stuffed it in his pocket. There was very likely going to be tears. Philip glanced at his watch: 2100.

  These were going to be the longest thirty minutes of his life.

  Hallie was appalled at the emails popping up on her screen. Most subject lines said something to the effect of: Good Job; U were great; and Way 2 Go! But others read: Hey, Baby; Good job, McBabe; I think I love you; I’m hot 4 U; and Will you marry me, McCabe?

  But none that said: re: What the…??? From one [email protected]. How could he not have received her letter? She’d sent it five days ago. She read his email again.